3 Hard Boundaries You Must Set To Love Your Life.
Breaking Up With Abuse One Boundary At A Time
I am currently reading the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Townsend. It rightly informed this piece because of it’s strong emphasis on (a) Being mindful to not bite off more than you can chew and (b) understanding that if people always take advantage of you- you have a YOU problem, not a people problem and ( C) We need to stop feeling sorry or guilty because you have to say no.
3 Reasons I Desperately Clung to a Love that Was Over
Boundaries- I think this is one very critical missing step in my knowledge for the longest time. My approach was ‘passive aggression’ because I thought- why do they not inherently know this is right or that is wrong? I chose passive aggression because I believed people pissed me off because they were just deceitful, and I wasn’t worth the effort. This made me resentful of people who crossed my boundaries. Rather than confront the issues head on, being conflict avoidant, I let so much hurt fester until one day- I will just let loose. My ire will often be confusing and that hurt me- Why are you acting confused? You know what you did. You made me do this.
Thank heavens for books and boundaries.
When I began to understand boundaries and setting boundaries, I started to realize that those in my life I thought of as strong, confident and well put together, were simply folks with strong boundaries. They gave what they wanted, did what they wanted and otherwise, stayed on their own lane. I wanted that. I wanted to stop feeling overwhelmed. I wanted to stop flipping out. I wanted to be wholesome always.
Therefore, I set boundaries and my life significantly improved in these 3 important areas:
‘Baby’: With An Abuser, You Really Are.
- Giving: I used to give out of fear of being hated. I gave to entitled people who had no gratitude in their bones. I gave so people will say- ‘she a giver’. ‘She so kind’. The problem with giving to entitled people or giving out of fear is- there is no gratitude. They are takers. They don’t care. The praise you want will not come. I handled my fear of being disliked because I did not give. I give now because I want to- because the cause or person is important to me. Nothing else.
- Time: We really underestimate how much time we have somedays and overestimate how much time we have on other days. “You are invited” so and so will say or send to me. I am very introverted (maybe you are or maybe you are not). I really prefer my company. Problem was- people pleasing made me say yes to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. There is nothing healthy about this. You can say- I will attend 2 large events in a month and 2 small (maybe friends) events in a month. Be flexible but have a really strong boundary on your time. Everyone will survive.
Will My Daughter Endure Abuse?
3. Words: I realized that I sometimes entered into conversations because I either did not like the silence or I felt I was obliged to keep the conversation going. Again introvert so- very draining. I will leave conversations wondering angrily- ‘why did I have to say this or that?’ ‘TMI, Okwy, TMI’ or ‘I didn’t even like that and I have just committed myself into attending!’. Save your words. Learn to bite your tongue and say nothing rather than talk just for talking sake.
Thank you for reading. Were these 3 areas to set boundaries always clear to you? Do let me know.
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